valentine’s day is just around the corner.
and i had really wanted to ask damn to be my valentine’s but i hated making the first move.
things had turned around for damon and i – so much that it felt like we were dating.
as previously mentioned he started to wave off girls who paid him attention.
i’m sure deep down inside he was loving the attention – and i couldn’t blame him.
he was gorgeous, charming and droolworthy.
he had me hooked.
but of course i saw a different side of him – i saw the real him.
the same damon i knew back in bristol.
so while at work today, i was on a call to madz and keeley, listening to them go on about their planned weekends away with their boys.
madz and angelo had arranged a weekend away at the the ‘ritz-carlton’ in central park and keeley and charlie were off to the ‘setai fifth’ avenue for the week.
i wasn’t jealous – but i did envy them.
it made me think of shane.
the movie, the dinner, the staying over.
i missed it.
i wanted it again – and i wanted it with damon.
i’m opening up a little here – lately i’ve been keeping my guard up.
i guess i just want to protect myself from getting hurt.
considering what had recently happen with shane could you blame me?
speaking of shane i saw him last night while out getting some groceries.
i guess i wasn’t going to be able to avoid him for long.
we both lived in the same area – i was bound to bump into him.
shane: hey.
flo: hi.
shane: how are you?
flo: fine thanks.
shane: look, i’m sorry.
flo: *shrug* oh well. it’s not like we were together.
shane: no but i was hoping we could work on that.
flo: no.
shane: i know i know. there’s no chance now. not even a little.
flo: that’s right.
shane: will you ever forgive me?
flo: i don’t need to forgive you, you’re your own person. you’re not my boyfriend or my husband – so you’re free to do what you want.
shane: i know what i want.
flo: what’s that?
shane: to be with you.
flo: not happening shane, not after you and lou. that’s as bad as the idea of you and kandi, and you know what kandi was like.
shane: i still love you and i really want to make it right.
flo: look we can’t discuss this here.
we paid for our things and both headed outside to the car park.
for the first time in a long time, i sat in his car listening to him explain why he slept with lou.
it was just the same sorry excuse of being blind drunk and feeling lonely.
shane: i’m sorry, i really am. i never meant for it to happen, it did and i would do anything to take it back.
flo: i don’t care. you lied. you’ve lied so much i don’t know what to believe. how do i know your name is really shane? how can i trust you?
shane: you can, just like i trust you.
flo: no.
shane: flo please.
flo: look just stop, stopping asking and begging for forgiveness. i don’t need to forgive you, i just want to forget about you. i don’t want you anymore.
he went quiet.
his eyes swelled up with tears.
it’d been the first time i’d seen him get teary since the day he broke up with me just after high school.
shane: can i ask you something?
flo: what?
shane: did anything happen with you and damon just before we officially broke up?
flo: yes.
shane: what?
flo: a kiss.
shane: why didn’t you tell me?
flo: oh because we’re all about honesty are we?
shane: we were dating.
flo: it doesn’t make the situation any more different to what you did when damon and i were best friends.
shane: that is totally different.
flo: yes it is – you lied and kept it from me for years.
shane: did you kiss him back?
flo: i don’t know.
shane: how can you not know?
flo: it just happened, i didn’t really react – or at least it didn’t feel like i was reacting in anyway.
shane: do you want to be with him?
flo: i don’t want to be with you.
he went quiet.
i went quiet.
was it harsh to come out and say that?
was it ok that i’d just made it seem like i did nothing wrong even though i shared a kiss with damon while still holding the title of shane’s girlfriend?
i didn’t care to be honest.
i’d given up caring when i found out he was responsible for breaking up my friendship with damon.
shane: i was going to ask you to marry me.
flo: what?
shane: i was planning to propose on your birthday.
flo: why are you telling me this?
shane: because i want you to know how much you mean to me.
i had no idea what to say.
shane: i’m just sorry for what i did. and i just hope that we can work it out someday and at least be friends.
flo: i don’t think i can do that. not after you and lou…*shudder*
shane: i know i know…
we sat in silence for a few minutes.
shane: are you sleeping with damon?
i looked at him.
flo: i’m pretty sure that’s none of your business.
shane: i’m just… curious to know where you stand with him and him with you.
flo: it’s got nothing to do with you.
shane: i’m sorry – like i said, i’m just curious.
flo: i’m not answering that. in fact, i have to go.
i got out of the car and took my shopping with me.
i hurried along in the direction of my house.
shane: florence wait…
i stopped.
i turned around and looked at him.
shane: i really am sorry.
flo: so am i.
i spent the rest of last night just thinking about shane and the conversation in the car.
it had me thinking.
would i have said yes if he had asked me to marry him?
did damon show up in the nick of time?
why did this all happen the way it did?
surely there was a reason.
i was starting to pick at my own brain and it was far too late to be doing that.
as i said, valentine’s day was around the corner.
wish me luck.
- love flo.
